Anna Novak 

Almost all my clients tell me they feel overwhelmed by the prospect of downsizing. Making a move from your long-time family home into a new community is a huge undertaking and a significant life event for most people. And no matter how much lead time people have, the overwhelm often feels the same: hundreds (perhaps thousands!) of decisions to be made, along with unavoidable changes that will impact your relationships, finances, routines, and daily lifestyle. 

Downsizing is not simply a move or letting go of your belongings. It’s a major life transition that forces you to confront your past and your future all at once, and in many different ways. The emotional side of downsizing can be the most challenging part. 

I’ve been orchestrating downsizing moves since 2017, and I’ve noticed that many people approach downsizing in reactive mode, treating each decision with equal emotional weight. This quickly becomes exhausting. Before you start making decisions about how and where all of your “stuff” will be handled, take some time to consider how you want to handle the emotional side of the process instead of simply reacting to stress as it shows up. 

Anticipate Your Stress Patterns 

At this stage of your life, you probably already know what types of situations or circumstances are most likely to make you feel stressed or anxious. I’ve noticed that some of my clients become highly stressed about spending money on their move or “losing” money on belongings they have accumulated over the years. Others struggle most with loss of identity or the uncertainty of the changes ahead. Others get caught up in unhealthy family dynamics or become overwhelmed by emotional attachments to their belongings. And yes, many people acutely feel the pressure of all of the above! 

You can absolutely expect your normal stress patterns to show up at the downsizing party. 

The trick is to be prepared. When you anticipate emotional sticking points ahead of time, it becomes much easier to manage them instead of getting completely derailed in the moment. Building in some flexibility and realistic expectations can dramatically reduce the emotional intensity of the process. 

For example, consider the following suggestions: 

• Set parameters around how much time and mental energy you are willing to spend on your move. 
• Give yourself reasonable deadlines to let go of certain expectations or belongings. 
• Decide in advance that you are not going to worry about unavoidable costs or risks. 
• Hire a professional move manager to provide a fixed price for your project, manage communications, or handle unpleasant tasks on your behalf. 

Whatever you can do to lower the emotional temperature around your move will make the process smoother for everyone involved. 

Recognize What You Have No Power Over 

At the end of the downsizing process, many of my clients look back and realize they spent enormous amounts of emotional energy worrying about outcomes that were never fully within their control to begin with. 

Here are some of the most common expectations I hear at the beginning of downsizing projects. Do any of these sound familiar? 

• “I don’t want any of my belongings to end up in the trash.” 
• “Our children will be happy to take our family heirlooms and mementos.” 
• “We have high-end furnishings that people will want to buy.” 
• “We won’t accept anything less than a certain amount for our house.” 

The difficult part about these expectations is that they depend heavily on other people’s choices, finances, preferences, emotions, and priorities. You cannot control what other people are willing to receive, pay for, appreciate, keep, or value. 

When people become emotionally attached to outcomes they cannot fully control, disappointment and frustration become much more likely. 

A healthier and more flexible mindset is to acknowledge that you cannot control how others respond to your belongings, your home, or your decisions. Instead, focus your energy on how you want to use your time, resources, possessions, and emotional bandwidth to support your next stage of life. 

Expect Some Discomfort Along the Way 

One of the most important mental shifts you can make before downsizing is understanding that this process will almost certainly involve some discomfort, compromise, and imperfect outcomes along the way. 

There will be difficult decisions. There may be moments of disappointment, frustration, grief, or conflict. Even with careful planning and the best intentions, things will not always unfold exactly as you had hoped.  

I often wish I had a crystal ball at the beginning of every downsizing project, so I could predict exactly what challenges were waiting around the corner. Even in the smoothest moves, something may get broken, unexpected expenses may appear, timelines may shift, and relationships may be tested under the pressure of change. 

Knowing these challenges are likely to arise will not necessarily eliminate the emotional pain when they happen, but it can make them much easier to navigate. 

People often assume that stress during downsizing means something is going wrong. In reality, some amount of stress and uncertainty is simply part of navigating a major life transition. Your goal is not to execute a perfect move or control every detail of the experience. Keep your focus on the opportunities and possibilities ahead, and give yourself some grace throughout the process. 

NAPO Directory

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Additional Resources

If you’re an organizer who’s looking to specialize in move management, check out our advanced coursework. 

Learn how our business partner, MaxSold, can help your clients with downsizing in this webinar. 

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